Dave Cooks the Turkey.

In the short story "Dave Cooks the Turkey" by Stuart Mac lean there is many different ways that he creates humour. One way he uses humour is by writing about things that everyone one can relate to, such as late shopping, "Dave and Morley usually start their shopping the week before Christmas. "Was his wife going to leave him? Maybe the train was going to D-I-V-O-R-C-E" is an example of how he uses wit to express humour throughout the story. Another way is humour is used is just the overall predicament of the situation. Dave was supposed to have the turkey prepared for Christmas but he "couldn't find the turkey in the freezer" because he didn't even buy the turkey. Dave stays up through the night to go and buy a "b" grade turkey then in the morning he goes to a first class hotel to get it cooked because his oven would not cook it. At the hotel Dave is spotted by his neighbor, Jim, when checking into the hotel. Steve Mac leans use of situations people can relate to, his witty lines and ridiculous predicaments make this short story humorous.

Narrative Essay

Deep in the solitudal confinements of this hellish island I sat; My spear clenched close to my heart as I hid from the ebony beast. Deep cuts covered my body from the rough brush. My skin a haven for bites and measles. I have aged greatly since I our ship sank and became a castaway. I have matured more in the somewhat thirty days I've been here than I would in a full year back at home. I was not going to die after all these days of surviving.

Back to the danger at hand. The jaguar was near but not visible to me. The sky was turning dark and dusk was coming close as I had been hiding from this cat for hours. I couldn't let the day end as the dark cat would have its natural camouflage. I

An Increase in Profanity Declines Societys Morals

The use of profanity is very much declines societys morals. The use of prafanity is often associated with hate and anger. If we let profanity run free

College Application

I am a charismatic and exceptional figure. My peers are compelled by my magnetic grace. I have no elders. I can speak seven languages, recite piano concertos with one finger and travel the world in a single day. I have led crusades and conducted large scale public protests. I have been on both the defending and inflicting end of a full castle assault. I have never returned my movie rentals late and I ALWAYS rewind. I once ate before swimming at the beach, obtained a cramp, and still managed to walk away. I have nine lives, two chins and a full set of 32 teeth. When in Rome; I act out to the pleasure of my personal preference. I've painted Devinci with an etch-a-sketch, read Shakespeare in the dark and taught a blind man ballroom dance. I have done all these things but it is past my comprehension as of why I have not yet had a post secondary education.

Descriptive Paragraph

The smell of smoke and alcohol drifted from the dark figure and a face was unveiled through through a shroud of mist. Its hat sat crooked on top his head with the brim casting a shadow across one side of his rough face. His roman nose extended down to his lips like a beak. His skin was one of a lizard. His head sat on his body like a bowling ball on a pillow as his neck was non existent. His formal attire masked his unkept hygienics and his unpleasant features. The butt of the smoke met with the figures leather lips and hung there with little effort as if it was second nature. His chest rose as the cherry grew bright red and trailed down the paper. The thick unfiltered smoke rose up riding the contours of his folded skin and stung his two small eyes encased in a slit of rolling skin. His chest sank and the figure disappeared into the mist.

Damsel in Distress.

Impossible. The only word that can describe my chances of rescuing my damsel in distress. My lover, this naive and helpless lady was captured by her own foolishness. The only person who has the ability to rescue her is myself. Before I got to her I would have to go to a gigantic fire breathing dragon stronger than ten oxes. It seemed as if i was barking up the wrong tree but.. come hell or high water by god I was going to daringly rescue this maiden. Walking through a dark cave I finally met face to face with the horrible beast." I could whip you with one arm tied behind my back!" I yelled out at the dragon. At the drop of a hat I was on him like flies on stink, and like a knife through hot butter I gutted him like a pig. When it came clear that there was no danger ahead I approached my lady and untied her from a wooden post. Now it would be the time to swim against the tide and re track through the treacherous cave. Running like hell near the end of the cave we were ambushed by hundreds of tiny flying dragons. I didn't wait a second before I pulled out my trusty bow and arrow and started letting them off. The tiny dragons were dropping like flies and then damsel and myself were untouched. We darted out the end of the tunnel into the light. It seems as if this "impossible" task was not so impossible after all and the two of them lived happily ever after.

Why Don't you Pick on Somebody of Your Own Quantity.

Imagine being robbed in a damp dark alley. Just you between the robber and his goal to obtain your belongings. Fear stricken and at a dead end, it is inevitable that he will prevail. Now, imagine a lone robber and ten duplicates of yourself! Now the tables have turn and it is the robber who is fearful for his life. This power is not only useful to fighting crime but everyday things as well. With the power of duplication you can literally be in two places at once, or as many as you'd like! Want to go to the movies but school work needs to be done? No problem. Just let one of your doppelgangers take care of it. Need more players for a game of soccer? Duplicate! With doubles at your disposal anything is possible.